Ask Somebody: Eight Seconds Beats Fifteen Minutes of Guessing

The worry underneath "how do I ask for help" is that asking will mark you as new. It will not. And if it did, being new here costs you nothing.

Staff at Starlets work a room in Woodside, Queens that is open daily 11 PM to 4 AM. Questions arrive all night, every night, including from people who have been coming for years. Yours is not going to be the strange one.

Match the question to the person

Most of the skill is aiming it at whoever actually has the answer.

Getting that wrong costs nothing either. The worst case is being pointed at the person who does know, which is still a useful answer.

Ask it in one sentence

Long questions get short answers, and in a loud room a long question mostly gets a "what?"

Lead with the noun. "Where's the restroom?" "Can I open a tab?" "Is this seat taken?" No preamble needed, and there is nothing wrong with saying it is your first time here.

Speak at the volume you would use across a dinner table and lean in slightly. Shouting from four feet back is harder to understand, not easier.

The questions worth asking out loud

Not one of those makes you look like a tourist. They make you look like a man who would rather know than guess, which is a normal way to walk into a new room.

Starlets performer photographed at the Woodside club, where staff answer first-timer questions

The questions to phone ahead about instead

Some things go better in a quiet room with the number in front of you. What to wear is the obvious one. The venue is the authority on its own door, so call (646) 301-6606 and ask, and where door policies and dress codes came from explains why that question is murkier than it ought to be.

The same goes for anything unusual about setting up a table. The service list shows what can be arranged in advance and the VIP booking page starts a reservation, but a request with moving parts in it is better handled by a person than by a form.

The one request with no good version

Do not ask anyone to make an exception at the door. Everyone shows a valid government-issued photo ID, every time, and this is a 21 and up room. No table, no booking and no friendly word moves that line.

Asking is not offensive. It is a dead end, and it puts a stranger in the position of telling you no before your night has started. Nobody wants that to be the first conversation.

Asking twice is fine

You will forget an answer. The room is dark, the music is loud, and you were half-listening the first time because you were still managing your own nerves.

So ask again. Nobody keeps a tally, and the second answer usually lands better than the first one did.

What asking actually buys you

Time. Eight seconds of question replaces a quarter of an hour of wandering and quietly second-guessing yourself.

It also changes how the rest of the night goes. Someone who has answered one question for you tends to check on you again later, and a room where two people know your face is a much easier room to sit in for three hours.

If you came on your own

Asking matters more, because there is no friend to send instead. Going alone covers the rest of the solo version of this night, and if you did bring somebody who has been before, let the veteran take the first round of questions.

And most of these questions never come up if you handle the walk-in well — your first ten minutes inside is the version of this with the geography already sorted.

What not to worry about

Nobody is scoring your composure. The staff want you seated, served and comfortable, because a guest who knows where he is stays longer and has a better night than one who is quietly lost near the door.

That is the real reason asking works. Your question and their job point in the same direction.

Before you go

Starlets is at 49-09 25th Ave, Woodside, NY 11377, open daily 11 PM to 4 AM. Call (646) 301-6606 with anything you would rather have settled before you arrive.

The question you are embarrassed to ask has already been asked tonight. Probably twice.